


What Doesn't Kill You

by Firelight47



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Break Up, Dean Winchester Has Internalized Homophobia, Destiel - Freeform, Drunk John Winchester, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Genderfluid Hannah (Supernatural), John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, enjoy the fluff while it lasts, it's all down hill from here amigos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25604965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firelight47/pseuds/Firelight47
Summary: Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have been dating for a while now, and everything was going smoothly. Up until Sam's 14th birthday party. But was that really the straw that broke the camel's back?As their relationship unravels they figure out what went right, what went wrong, and what truly caused the breakup in the first place.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	1. Out Of Place

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Whoeversaidpineapplepizzabadyomomsahoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whoeversaidpineapplepizzabadyomomsahoe/gifts).



In order, Dean, Castiel, Hannah, Benny, Jo, Charlie, Gabriel and Crowley sat around the booth at their favorite place to study; Billie's Coffee Shop. The place was full of booths and tables, the walls a leather brown color, and random supernatural artifacts. The group was sitting in one of the larger booths, although Castiel and Dean were sitting a bit closer than the others. Castiel held Dean's hand in his lap and they exchanged sly smiles with one another when no one was looking. Or so they thought no one was looking.

"God, get a room you two," Jo stuck her tongue out at them.

"You guys have only been dating for two months but you're already insufferable," Charlie rolled her eyes, smiling.

"Charlie, keep you voice down a little," Dean chuckled nervously. His eyes darted around the room, making sure no one was looking at them.

"Aw come on, you know I'm just teasing you," she grinned.

"Yeah I know," Dean brought his focus back to the table. "So, you guys are all coming to Sam's birthday party on Saturday, right?"

"Of course," Crowley said, looking up from his phone.

"Are you going?" Hannah turned to Castiel.

"Yes, I wouldn't miss it." He looked over at Dean, but his blue eyes seemed a bit less vibrant.

"Well, I'll be there," Benny said in his strong Louisiana accent. 

"Same," Charlie gave him the "okay" sign.

"No can do, Deano. Got a date with Kali on Saturday," Gabriel clicked his tongue and winked.

"I can't either, I have work with my mom," Jo shrugged. "Sorry."

"It's okay, tell her I said hi." Dean nodded.

"I will," Gabriel and Jo said in unison. Jo glanced over at him, disdain in her eyes. Gabriel shrugged, his arrogance surrounding him. And suffocating everyone else.

"I was talking to Jo," Dean sighed.

The owner, and head waitress, Billie walked over to the booth. Dean quickly removed his hand from Castiel's and grabbed a menu. Castiel sighed and looked up at Billie. 

"What can I get everyone this afternoon?" She held a notepad in her hand, but she never used it.

"I'll have an O' Death, large." Dean smiled.

"Of course, and for your boyfriend?" She looked at Castiel.

"Oh no he's not- we're not -"

"My apologies, I can get you all a bigger booth if you'd like. So then you don't have to be so close together," Tessa gestured toward the back of the shop.

"No, we're okay thank you. But I'll have a medium iced mocha, please." Castiel's face had fallen. He looked to Dean, who had become very concerned about a small chip in the table.

"I'll have that too," Hannah chimed in.

"I'll just have a coffee, black." Benny ordered.

"Where's your sense of whimsy, Benny?" Charlie smiled, "I'll have a Reaper, with extra whipped cream."

"Me too," Jo looked from Charlie to Billie.

"I'll just have tea, with honey and a splash of milk." This time Crowley didn't look up from his phone.

"Alright, coming right up you guys." Billie put away her empty notepad and walked back to the kitchen. They all knew their orders would be perfect.

They continued talking, jumping from upcoming tests to who would win at pool to college to unpopular music opinions. In fact, they didn't even notice when Billie dropped their drinks off.

"Bon Jovi rocks... on occasion," Dean raised his eyebrow at everyone, watching their expressions change because they knew he was right. "See, what'd I tell ya, my music taste is impeccable."

"Who taught him the word impeccable?" Jo murmured. 

"Hey I know things," Dean tried to defend himself but everyone's eyes wouldn't quite reach his. "Aw c'mon. Cas? You too?"

Cas looked down at Dean, "I'm afraid so, yes."

"I can't believe this."

"Don't worry, Deano. Not everyone can possess such well versed vernaculars, such as mine for example." Gabriel attempted to put his feet on Crowley's lap, but Crowley not-so-gently pushed his legs down. Gabriel almost fell, but somehow managed to only let his demeanor fall for a split second before his regular prideful look returned.

"Whatever," Dean rolled his eyes.

"Oh did you guys here that Balthazar absolutely hates that Celine Dion song?" Jo laughed.

"The one from Titanic?" Hannah asked.

"That's the one. He can't stand it." Jo shook her head, smiling.

"I heard the whole track team changed their ringtones to it, just to piss him off," Benny cut in.

"I'd believe it," Castiel took a drink of his iced coffee. He and Dean hadn't returned to holding hands.

"Well, as much as I loved this little 'study session', I must be off," Crowley put his phone in his jacket pocket. 

"Yeah I should get going too," Charlie set her drink down.

The group burst out in talk of doing the same. Their cups clinked against the table as everyone prepared to leave.

"Remember, Sam's party is at 1 p.m. on Saturday." Dean looked everyone in the eyes.

"Got it," Hannah walked past him. "See you there, Castiel." 

"Sorry again, Dean. Maybe next time." Jo smiled and walked away.

"I'm not, this could be the date of a lifetime." Gabriel had a sly grin on his face.

"Ew," Dean squinted. 

Gabriel winked at him then glanced to Castiel, "You riding with me or him?"

"I'll ride with Dean," Cas motioned.

"Your loss, Cassie." Gabriel readjusted his bag and left.

"See ya there, guys," Benny patted Dean on the shoulder as he walked by.

Dean smiled at Cas, "Shall we?" Cas nodded and they walked out together, but still not holding hands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were about halfway from Cas's house when he looked over at Dean, "Can I ask you something?"

Dean's heart pounded, "Shoot."

"Why did you tell Billie we weren't dating?"

"It's just, my dad goes there, you know? I don't want her to mention us offhand and then him find out-"

"Your dad doesn't know about us?"

"No way, not a chance. Does yours?"

"Of course. I told him as soon as we made it official."

"Oh."

Castiel turned back towards the windshield and stared out at the road, "Will you ever be open about us?"

"I don't know."

They drove the rest of the way in silence. Dean would glance over at Cas, but Castiel never returned the gesture.

The time for Sam's birthday party came quickly, his friends and their families congregated in Lawrence City Park. They set out picnic blankets and put the presents on a nearby bench. Naturally Dean's was the biggest. His gift sat iinside a huge, shiny blue bag with an oversized bow on top. The number 14 was written in bubble letters on the side.

Sam stared at Dean's gift, "You know, I'm not a little kid anymore Dean." 

"Yeah, but you still love it." Dean rested his arm on Sam's shoulder. Sam rolled his eyes, but smiled.

"Hey, where's Dad? He'll kill me if we start without him." 

"I'm sure he'll show up any minute now. Just go have fun with your friends." Dean gave Sam a slight push before walking towards his own group.

Castiel, Crowley, Charlie, Hannah,and Benny all sat at a picnic table near the playground. Hannah sat scrunched up near Cas, though there was plenty of room on the other side of the bench. Dean came over and took the empty seat across from his boyfriend. 

“Sammy’s fourteen now. Fourteen. I feel like just yesterday he was some snot nosed little kid, but he’s in high school now,” Dean stared off at his little brother. “What happened?”

“Uh, time?” Charlie answered. 

“Shut up,” Dean scoffed, but he smiled.

“Where’s your old man?” Benny asked.

“He’ll be around soon, probably off at the nearest bar. Or liquor store. Or both.” Dean shrugged. 

“Well then this is okay, right?” Cas reached across the table for Dean..

Dean smiled, and grabbed Castiel’s hands, “Yeah, it is.”

Hannah took a deep breath and scooted away from Cas, “God, you two are something else.”

“Jealous much?” Crowley side eyed her.

“What? No.” 

“Are you-”

“Drop it, Crowley.”

Dean’s eyes darted from Crowley to Hannah, then Hannah to Cas. He held Cas’s hands a little tighter. 

“Dean, dad’s here!” Sam called out.

Dean quickly withdrew his hands and got out of his seat. He saw his dad walking toward the picnic blanket where all the other kids and parents were sitting. No present in his hands, just a beer. An almost empty one, too. Which meant John would be heading out as soon as he could to get another drink. 

Dean looked back at his friends, “C’mon guys, let’s get this party started.” 

They watched as Sam unwrapped present after present, tearing through them faster than a tornado through an empty field. That is, until he got to Dean’s present. Then, he carefully removed the bow and gently set it aside. Sam did the same with the tissue paper. Then he reached in and pulled out Dean’s gift; a complete, collector’s edition set of The Lord of the Rings.

Sam jumped up and hugged his brother, “Thank you!!!”

“Of course, Sammy,” Dean hugged back. “Hey, just don’t read them until after the party. Have fun with your friends before you hide away in your room for a week finishing those.”

“Please, it won’t take me a week.” Sam pulled away.

“Whatever, go have fun,” Dean let go and Sam ran off to devour his birthday cake. 

Cas walked up behind Dean and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, “That was kind of you.”

“It’s the least I could give him,” Dean looked over at Cas. Cas slid his hand down Dean’s arm when Dean pulled Cas’s hand away, “Not here.”

“Dean-”

“No, Cas. I can’t let…” He pulled Castiel away from the party, “I can’t let my dad see. You don’t understand.”

“You’re right Dean, I don’t. Explain it to me.”

“I… I can’t.”

“Why not? You always say that, but why not?”

“I just can’t, okay?!”

“Well, I can’t do this, Dean?”

“Do what?”  
“Us.”

“But Cas, c’mon man. You can’t be serious.” Dean’s eyes welled up.

“I’m afraid I am.”

“So what? You just suddenly don’t have feelings anymore?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what is it, Cas?”

I feel like I’m being forced back into the closet again, Dean! And it’s not a good feeling.” Cas inhaled deeply, “I need you to figure out what you want, how you feel, all of this. Then we can try again. But until then, I think it’s better if we just stay friends from now on.” Castiel took a step backward. He started to walk towards the group but turned around to Dean, “You can’t say I never felt anything for you. I think I always will. But how can I know you feel the same?”

“I do, Cas.” A single tear rolled down Dean’s cheek.

“Well, you sure didn’t show it,” Cas sighed. “I’m not trying to force you to come out to your dad. I’m not cruel. I just can’t be your boyfriend knowing you’re ashamed to even say that word. If you can prove me wrong, then I’ll apologize. We can forget this ever happened. Just say it. Say ‘We’re boyfriends’.”

Dean looked around nervously. He opened his mouth but nothing came out.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Castiel looked down at his feet, then back up to Dean’s eyes, “Goodbye, Dean.” Cas turned around and walked away, leaving Dean frozen in place with tears falling down his face. Laughter filled the air around him, and suddenly Dean felt more out of place than he’d ever been in his entire life. 

_I need you to figure out what you want, how you feel, all of this. ___

_All. Of. This._


	2. The Good, The Bad, The Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's only been two days since the breakup, but the chemistry between Dean and Castiel has changed drastically. Their group of friends can pick up on when they go back to school on Monday. But Dean faces a surprise when he gets home.

The rest of the weekend was for the most part, normal.The group didn’t see each other again, which was normal. Benny volunteered at the local blood drive, which was normal. Charlie played video games against Crowley (and won), which was normal. Jo worked long shifts with her mom at the diner, which was normal. Hannah hung out with her other, more popular friends, which was normal. Castiel and Gabriel had the house to themselves and did their own thing without questioning each other, which was normal. Dean hung out with Sam to keep John’s drunkard self away from his little brother, which was normal. It was only when Dean and Cas walked into school minutes apart rather than together that the normalness ceased.

The group, upon seeing the two of them go in seperate directions, broke out in whispers.

“Did they break up?” Hannah muttered to Crowley.

“All good things come to an end, don’t they?” Crowley said back, still looking at his phone.

“No, they can’t break up! They’re perfect for each other,” Charlie whined.

“Charlie, you do know most highschool relationships don’t work out, don’t you?” Benny side eyed her.

“Of course I do. Gilda and I didn’t work out, remember?”

“Right, right.”

“Well, Cassie didn’t tell me anything about a breakup.” Gabriel put his arms around Hannah and Charlie’s shoulders.

“Why would he tell you? You blow him off every chance you get,” Hannah huffed.

“Aw, c’mon, I don’t do that.” The entire group simultaneously stopped talking and looked at him. “Okay, maybe I do but still, a breakup is a hard thing to keep bottled up. Even for Cas.”

“Maybe they got into a fight,” Jo looked around at the others.

“But then why are they avoidin’ us?” Benny asked.

The first bell rang and the group split off with the chaos of the other students. Unfortunately for Dean and Castiel, they both had first period chemistry. And they were lab partners.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel had been sitting at the table while waiting for the bell to ring. He was not excited to be stuck at the same table with Dean for an hour and twenty minutes, a feeling that he never anticipated. At the beginning of the semester, Castiel had been over the moon to be Dean’s lab partner. Their relationship had just entered the phase between platonic and romantic and Cas was hoping that spending the extra time in such close proximity would help it take that next step. And he was right. But now, things were different. And he anxiously waited for Dean's inevitable arrival.

Dean walked into class exactly four minutes after the first bell, and around one minute before the bell that would start class. He didn’t need to spend those few excess minutes sitting awkwardly next to Castiel, who he was convinced wanted nothing to do with him anymore. So he timed grabbing his materials and handing in homework just right so as soon as he sat down, class would begin and he wouldn’t have to talk to his now ex-boyfriend.

“Alright class,” Ms. MacLeod said with an Irish accent, “today we’ll be focusing on stoichiometry, converting grams to moles and back again, before moving into preparing the color changing lab for the freshman on Wednesday. And the test will be next Tuesday, so don’t forget or so help me, I will fail all of you.” The class laughed, but her deadpan tone made them take her threat seriously. “Now, here’s the worksheet, it’s due first thing tomorrow morning.” 

As Ms. MacLeod walked up to Dean and Castiel’s table, she stated, “You may work with your lab partner or alone.” The two boys glanced nervously at one another before being handed their papers.

Castiel grabbed his pencil and started working immediately. He focused intently on the problems, racing through them faster than he ever did with Dean. Cas had caught on much quicker than Dean had. And now without Cas’s help, Dean remained stuck on the third equation.

He looked around the room, trying to clear his head. But when Dean looked at the lab stations, all he saw were the memories he and Castiel had made. His favorite of them all, roasting marshmallows on the bunsen burners, flooded his mind.

_It was a lab, early on in the semester. It had been snowy all week and everyone was dying for a break from all the equations and the math. So, Ms. MacLeod brought in a bag full of ingredients to make s’mores._

_“All of your guy’s gloominess is making it impossible to teach, so today we’ll be reviewing our fire lab safety by roasting marshmallows. At least, that’s what we’ll tell Mr. Singer if he walks in,” she winked._

_Dean sat on the table and turned to Castiel, “I haven’t made s’mores since I took Sammy on a camping trip for his ninth birthday.”_

_“I haven’t made s’mores since, ever.” Cas stood up and pushed in his chair.  
“Dude, no way. C’mon you’ve gotta have made at least one.”_

_“No, I’ve never had any reason to. My father has worked constantly since I can remember so he’s never really had time to take us camping.”_

_“You are about to taste heaven, Cas.”_

_“I take it you’re fond of s’mores?”_

_Fond of s’mores?, Dean thought. Who talks like? He looked over at Castiel, grinning. “Man, I fucking love them.”_

_“Well, let’s hope they hold up to this reputation you’ve given them.”_

_“Oh believe me, they will.”_

_Cas raised an eyebrow and smirked at Dean, “We’ll see.”_

_Dean felt his face go red and he hurriedly went and grabbed their allotted ingredients. He walked over to the lab bench where Cas had already lit their bunsen burner. Dean set down their tray and grabbed the skewers, offering one to Castiel. Cas prepared to place his marshmallow through the skewer wen Dean smacked him with it._

_“En garde,” Dean flashed his eyebrows._

_Cas smirked, “En garde.”_

_They whacked their skewers against each one other’s with as much precision as an undirected third grade sword fight. But they were grinning and laughing the whole time. That is, until Ms. MacLeod came by._

_“Winchester,. Novak. What do you two think you’re doing?” She walked closer to them, “Is waving around pointy objects at each other proper lab safety? I don’t think so.” She grabbed the skewers from them and returned with rounded glass stirring rods. “Here. You boys may use these to roast your marshmallows. But if I see you two play fighting with these, then you’re done with the lab. Do you understand me?”_

_“Yes ma’am,” Cas and Dean said in unison. Ms. Macleod walked away and Dean looked over at Castiel, barely containing his laughter. And when Cas let out a slight chuckle, Dean lost it. And soon they were both laughing too hard for their own good. Right when they got a handle on things Cas lifted up the stirring rod and the two of them broke once more._

_Eventually, they pulled themselves together and finally started the lab. After skewering their marshmallows (which takes a lot longer with a rounded object) Dean stepped back to watch Castiel roast his first marshmallow._

_“Dean?” Cas hesitated._

_“Yeah Cas?”_

_“Show me how to roast it? I want my first s’more to be perfect.”_

_Dean bit his bottom lip, “Well, you asked the right guy.” He walked up behind Castiel and took his wrist in his hand. Dean hovered the marshmallow barely above the flame. He turned his head to look at Cas and realized their faces were only inches apart. He looked into Castiel’s striking blue eyes before glancing down at his lips. Dean took in all of Cas’s features, only then realizing how attractive he found him. And while getting lost in the beauty of his best friend’s face, the marshmallow caught fire._

_“Dean,” Cas said in his usual low, gravelly voice. “Dean!”_

_“Yeah what- oh no…” Dean pulled the marshmallow (and Cas’s hand) toward him and blew it out. The side was blackened and smoking. “Cas I’m so sorry, here I’ll take this one and you can have mine. I like them a little charred anyway.”_

_“Dean, calm down. It’s perfect.” Cas smiled. And this wasn’t his regular smile, it was a smile reserved for Dean. Small, with eyes crinkled up. A real smile._

_“Really?”_

_“Yes,” Cas looked softly at him. “Hey Dean?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“You can let go of my wrist now.”_

_“Oh yeah, sorry.” He quickly let go and wiped his hand on his leg._

_“It’s not that I didn’t like it, but I’d like to actually try my s’more,” Cas said while assembling his snack._

_“Oh. _Oh. _” Dean blushed, again.___

___“Here we go,” Cas bit into the s’more and marshmallow spread out of the sides._ _ _

___“So, was I right or what?”_ _ _

___ _

___“This is the best thing I’ve ever had,” Castiel wiped chocolate from the corners of his mouth._ _ _

___“What can I say, the s’more is a masterpiece.”_ _ _

___“Those are wise words, Dean Winchester.”_ _ _

___“I know.” He winked at Castiel, before making his own s’more. ____ _

____The memory faded and Dean was brought back to the present day. A worksheet full of unfinished equations in front of him and Castiel to his side, who hasn’t so much as said hello to Dean. Dean kept looking around the classroom and being reminded of all the time he and Cas had spent together flirting and messing around and enjoying each other’s company. HIs head spun, he felt his eyes welling up._ _ _ _

____“Ms. MacLeod? May I use the restroom?” Dean asked, looking down at his desk._ _ _ _

____“Yes, dear. Take the pass.” She pointed toward the lanyard on the wall._ _ _ _

____Dean hurriedly got up and grabbed the hall pass before practically running out the door. He walked quickly toward the restroom, avoiding eye contact with anyone else in the hall. Once Dean walked in he locked himself in the far stall. He pressed his lips together and looked up at the ceiling, tears fell out of the sides of his eyes. He took a shaky breath and hung his head, but that didn’t stop the tears either. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, enough to dry them temporarily. Then he walked out of the stall and splashed water on his face. Looking up in the mirror, Dean saw his red eyes. He quickly looked back down and splashed more water on his face. He closed his eyes tightly and grabbed a paper towel to dry his face. Dean took another shaky breath before throwing away the towel and leaving. He still had a half hour of chemistry left. He could make it through that. He hoped so, at least._ _ _ _

____~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _ _ _

____Hours went by without incident, Dean and Castiel didn’t have to see each other again until lunch. But in the meantime Castiel had fourth period english with Hannah. They had paired off to read and discuss Hamlet. But Hannah wasn’t interested in talking about the third act as much as she was interested in Cas’s love life._ _ _ _

____“So, you and Dean came in separately this morning. Is something wrong?” She put the end of the pencil to the corner of her mouth._ _ _ _

____“I’d rather not-”_ _ _ _

____“It’s okay, Castiel. I won’t tell the others, I promise.”_ _ _ _

____Cas sighed and put down his book, “We broke up.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, I’m so sorry. What happened?”_ _ _ _

____“It’s just… Did you ever notice Dean never let us hold hands in public? Or at least where people could see us?”_ _ _ _

____“I thought you two were just taking it slow. I never would have guessed that you two were having problems.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, well, always bringing up a third person ruined many moments.”_ _ _ _

____“A third person?”_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Cas exhaled sharply, “Someone I’d like not to disclose.” He looked Hannah in the eyes._ _ _ _

____“Oh right, of course.” She held her gaze for a long minute._ _ _ _

____Castiel broke away, “Were we that obvious this morning?”_ _ _ _

____“You two avoided each other like the plague,” she laughed. “May I ask you a question about the breakup?”_ _ _ _

____“Sure.”_ _ _ _

____“Why did you wait so long? It seems to me as though you felt this way for some time.”_ _ _ _

____“Well, I didn’t want to ruin what we had. And so, I let it slide because I like him so much.”_ _ _ _

____“Like?”_ _ _ _

____Castiel looked off to the side, “Liked, I guess.”_ _ _ _

____“Well, I’m here for you. Always.” She squeezed his hand._ _ _ _

____“Thank you, Hannah.” Cas smiled at her before picking up his book._ _ _ _

____“Anytime,” Hannah smirked, leaving her hand very close to Castiel’s._ _ _ _

____~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _ _ _

____At lunch, Castiel and Dean sat on opposite ends of the table, their friends dividing them. The energy of the group seemed off, everyone could feel it. They ate in an awkward silence._ _ _ _

____“Alright, what happened between you two?” Charlie slammed down her sandwich._ _ _ _

____“Nothing,” Dean huffed._ _ _ _

____“You’re not even eating! And you’re always eating,” Charlie glared at him._ _ _ _

____“I’m not hungry.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah something weird is going on. Spill,” Jo demanded._ _ _ _

____“Guys, c’mon-” Dean started._ _ _ _

____“We broke up.” Castiel interrupted._ _ _ _

____“Noooo, I knew it!!” Charlie put her head down on the table.  
“Like I said, all good things come to an end,” Crowley looked at the Cas and Dean._ _ _ _

____“Are you okay, Dean?” Benny asked quietly._ _ _ _

____“I’m fine.” Dean deflected._ _ _ _

____“What happened?” Jo asked._ _ _ _

____“It’s personal,” Cas answered. “I’d like to leave it at that.”_ _ _ _

____“Okay,” Jo nodded._ _ _ _

____“And you didn’t tell me? Cassie, I’m offended.” Gabriel put his hand over his heart._ _ _ _

____“You never asked, Gabe,” Cas took a bite of his PB &J._ _ _ _

____“Well, I think we’ve had enough of that subject for one sitting, yes?” Hannah interjected. “Castiel, come study with me in the hall. I have a Spanish test next period.”_ _ _ _

____“I… Alright.” He wrapped up his lunch and followed Hannah into the main hallway._ _ _ _

____“I think she likes him,” Crowley whispered to Gabe._ _ _ _

____“Oh yeah,” Gabriel nodded._ _ _ _

____“Care to share with the class?” Dean frustratedly asked._ _ _ _

____“We think our dear Hannah has a crush on Castiel,” Crowley stated. Charlie smacked him. “What? We were all thinking it.”_ _ _ _

____“You don’t just say that, Crowley!” Charlie hit him again._ _ _ _

____“Charlie has a point, that was a real dick move.” Jo agreed._ _ _ _

____“Even _I _kept my mouth shut,” Gabe glanced at Crowley.___ _ _ _

______“Guys! It’s fine, I’m fine. Can we just drop it please,” Dean groaned._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah, of course,” Benny nodded._ _ _ _ _ _

______The rest of the group broke into small talk about their weekends, but Dean remained silent. He looked through the crowds of people for Hannah and Castiel, but he couldn’t see them. He lost focus when the bell rang. Everyone said their goodbyes, but Dean just walked away. He tried to find Cas in the hall but he knew Castiel was already in class. He knew Cas would always get to class a few minutes early. So, Dean walked by Cas’s fifth period class; psychology. He peered in through the door and saw Cas sitting in the back, taking notes from the chapter they were to read that day. Dean smiled, Castiel looked cute when he was focused. Then his smile fell as he remembered he shouldn’t be thinking of Cas like that anymore. They were through. And now he’s hearing rumors about Cas and Hannah. His whole world crumbled in three days, and it was only Monday. Dean looked down at the ground and walked to his next class. Just two more hours, just two more hours._ _ _ _ _ _

______~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _ _ _ _ _

______When Dean and Sam got home that night, John was waiting for them in the kitchen. Another abnormality for the day._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Welcome back, boys,” John slurred._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sammy, go to your room,” Dean ushered Sam towards the stairs._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, I want us to have dinner tonight. As a family.” John stated._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Okay, Dad. What’s for dinner?” Sam put his bag on the kitchen table._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I made spaghetti.” He set the pot down in the middle, “Get the bag outta here.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes, sir.” Sam grabbed his backpack and ran up to his room.  
“So, what’s the occasion?” Dean tentatively took a seat at the table._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I just want to spend some time with my sons, that’s all,” John hiccupped._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean nodded before standing up, “I’ll get us some plates.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Perfect.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean chuckled nervously. He looked around the kitchen for beer bottles, but couldn’t find any in the open. He returned with three plates and some silverware. Sam was sitting at the table again, to the left of their dad._ _ _ _ _ _

______“When’s the last time why did this?” John looked between his sons._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t know, Dad- uh, sir.” Sam scooped himself some pasta._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I think it’s been since Christmas,” Dean sat down._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Really? Well we can’t let that happen again.” John twirled some spaghetti on his fork._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean nodded, “Yeah.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“How was school, Sam?” John asked._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It was good, in history we started learning about the Greeks and the Romans.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, good they’re teaching you about the queers.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean coughed, “Uh, what?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You know, it was encouraged in those cities. Fucking disgusting. You boys won’t be getting into that now will you?” John held eye contact with Dean before glancing to Sam._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, sir.” Sam looked down at his plate._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, uh, sir.” Dean answered._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Good, I got no room in my house for queers. Like your ‘friend’ Castiel? Couldn’t stand his gay ass.” John got up and grabbed a beer from the fridge._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean ate the last of what was on his plate, “Good talk, Dad. I have homework.” Dean got up._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Me too,” Sam said quickly and quietly.  
“Why not do it here? There’s no need to rush off into your rooms,” John sat down._ _ _ _ _ _

______“My textbooks are in there,” Dean said._ _ _ _ _ _

______“And my computer,” Sam added._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Alright, well I’ll just be in here. By myself. Like always.” John took a swig from his beer._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam looked anxiously up at Dean. Dean shook his head, “I’ll come do my homework out here with you. But Sammy’s gotta use his computer upstairs.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well, one out of two ain’t bad. Go study up, Sam.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes, sir.” Sam ran upstairs._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean grabbed his bag and pulled out his chemistry worksheet and calculator. He tried to focus on his assignment as best he could._ _ _ _ _ _

______“We haven’t gone to church in awhile,” John said._ _ _ _ _ _

______“We’ve never really gone to church,” Dean replied._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Maybe we should start.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Feeling religious?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, but I think you and Sam could use it.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean laughed nervously, “How come?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well if your school is teaching about these lifestyles I think it’s best you boys know what’s acceptable and what’s not.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I think we got that from you just fine.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Did you, Dean?” John leaned in, no longer smiling._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes, uh, yes, sir.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Say it like you mean it this time.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes, sir.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Good. That’s what I like to hear.” John’s smile returned and he drank more of his beer._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean put his head down and tried to ignore his father. He waited a few minutes before just putting away his work._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m gonna go make sure Sam’s doing okay,” Dean stood up and pushed in his chair._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Mhmm,” John answered, barely awake._ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean nodded and ran up the stairs. He knocked on Sam’s door._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Who is it?” Sam asked, his voice wavering._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s Dean, don’t worry. Can I come in?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean opened the door and sat down on the edge of the bed. Sam turned around from his computer._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Is Dad drunk?” Sam asked._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh yeah,” Dean fake smiled. “Listen, about what he was saying tonight… Just because he says something doesn’t make it true, I want you to know that.” Dean wiped his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“About gay people?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah, he… he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Dean?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah?” Dean pressed his lips together._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Are you and Cas dating?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean chuckled sadly, “No, Sammy. We were, but not anymore.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“So you’re gay?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, I’m… I’m bi. Bisexual.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, okay. I’m sorry you two broke up.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Me too. Me too.” Dean let the tears roll down his face. Sam got up and sat next to him. Dean put his arm around Sam’s shoulders. And they stayed like that for a long while. Not talking, just dealing with the weight of what was said that night. The good, the bad, the worse._ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter up in a somewhat timely manner? i call that a win right here. this is where the plot is going to start picking up and thickening, so stay tuned. also again shout out to @ superduckbatrebel on tumblr who helped me come up with this fic idea, they're amazing!! and as always comments and kudos are appreciated!  
> stay safe and healthy out there :)


	3. Rumor Has It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumors fly when Hannah starts telling everyone around her that she and Castiel are a couple. They fly faster when the one telling them is one of the most popular students in the school. Unfortunately for Dean, this rumor flew right into his face.

Starting Monday night, the group didn’t meet together after school. They all individually decided that between what happened at lunch and Castiel and Dean’s breakup, it was better not to force everyone to be around each other. So, Charlie, Crowley, and Jo went to Jo’s mom’s diner. Benny hung out with his niece, Elizabeth. Dean went home with Sam. Gabe tried to score more dates (he didn’t get any). As for Hannah and Castiel they decided to stick around their usual location, Billie’s Coffee Shop. 

“It feels strange, without anyone else here,” Castiel glanced around the shop.

“I think we all needed a break,” Hannah smiled. They sat across from each other at a table, their familiar booth now occupied by an old lady’s book club.

“Perhaps you’re right.”

“We might have to get used to this if you and Dean keep avoiding each other or doing whatever it was that happened at lunch.” 

“What do you mean?”

“All I’m saying is maybe this new arrangement isn’t going to be temporary.”

Castiel squinted slightly and shifted in his seat. 

“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but you have to admit our old group dynamics just aren't going to work anymore.”

“Because I broke up with Dean?”

“Yes, although I do believe rightfully so. He wasn’t treating you the way you should be,” Hannah offered a sly smile.

Castiel coughed and glanced at his iced coffee, “So how did you do on your Spanish quiz?”

“Aced it. All thanks to your last minute study help.”

“Well, I have been known for being able to help others cram before their classes.”

“Then I guess I chose an excellent partner for our English assignment because I did not read a single word of whatever play we’re reading.”

“You mean Hamlet?”

“Sure.” They both laughed.  
“We’ve been reading it for three weeks!” 

“You’ve been reading it for three weeks. I have been using SparkNotes.”

“And you still get an A on every assignment.”

“What can I say? When you beat the system, you beat the system.”

“I don’t know if I’d call using Google and clicking the first link ‘beating’ the ‘system’ but it's the thought that counts.”

“Wait, what was that?”

“I don’t understand. What was what?”

“Did anyone ever teach you how to use finger quotes?”

“What? Yeah, Gabe did. Why?”

“Of course he did,” Hannah then proceeded to unteach Castiel what Gabriel had taught him, which took surprisingly longer than she had expected, before being able to explain to him how to properly use air quotes.

“I almost had it the first time,” Castiel joked.

“And I almost lost prom queen the first time, doesn’t make it right.”

“You know, I’ve never been to prom.”

“Really?”

“It never was my thing,” Castiel sighed. “Although this year I figured I would change that. But with everything that happened, I don’t know.”

“Well, we can still certainly change that,” Hannah reached out and took Castiel’s hand. He smiled and nodded very slightly, but his eyes were still somewhere else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday was a mere repeat of Monday. Dean excused himself to the bathroom during chemistry when his emotions began boiling over, Castiel and Hannah snuck off during lunch to study, the rest of the group tried asking questions about the breakup but to no avail, Dean watched Castiel moving on as he was left wallowing in the memories, and they all split up after the last bell rang. The uneasy energy billowed from them like a chimney. But it was Wednesday afternoon when this awkward shifting phase came to an abrupt end.

“Did you hear Hannah is dating that guy Castiel?” A girl named Anna whispered to her friend.

“Isn’t he gay?” Her friend, Balthazar, asked.

“Not anymore, I guess,” she shrugged.

“Damn, thought I had a chance with that one.”

“We’ll find you a boyfriend, don’t worry.” The two closed their lockers and walked towards their next class.

Dean walked up behind them, “Hey did you say that Cas and Hannah are dating?”

Anna turned around, “Yeah, she told me this morning in the locker room. The whole school’s probably talking about it by now.”

“What?” The words barely escaped Dean’s mouth.

“I don’t know, you should really ask her about it. I have to get to class,” Anna turned back and caught up with Balthazar.

Dean could barely breathe as he stood in the hall, students overwhelming the space around him while his entire world fell in on itself. He mustered enough strength to turn around and head to the nurse’s office. At least there he wouldn’t have to explain himself to anyone. But as he pushed past students he heard more remnants of their conversations, “ _Hannah finally got a boyfriend, _” and “_ I would’ve taken a shot at Castiel if I knew he was straight,_” but the biggest, loudest sentence, “Did you hear Hannah and Castiel are dating?”

It had been four days since they broke up and Cas was already dating someone new. Not even someone. Hannah. A girl. After everything Cas had told him about being pushed back in the closet and now he’s, what, bi? Pan? Dean’s breaths got shallower.

He barged into the office, nearly hyperventilating, “I need… to see the… the, uh,.... the nurse.”

“Right this way, sweetie,” the receptionist, Ms. Missouri, brought him back to the nurse’s room. “She’ll be back in just a minute. You just hang in there, honey.”

Dean laid down on the green bed and tried to focus on counting the dots on the ceiling rather than the words echoing through his skull.

_Hannah and Castiel are dating._

_These lifestyles are..._

_I need you to figure out what you want, how you feel, all of this._

_...Fucking disgusting._

_Then we can try again. ___

__“Mr. Winchester?” Dean shot up. “It’s just me, Miss Tessa.” She walked in the room and grabbed her clipboard._ _

__“Oh, sorry.” Dean sat up against the wall._ _

__“No need to apologize,” She smiled. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”_ _

__“I, um, I just needed to lay down.”_ _

__“From the looks of it you needed to calm down too. Does something have you worked up?”_ _

__“No, no. I’m fine.”_ _

__“Hmm. Well I’m going to take your temperature and if you feel like elaborating on that lie, go ahead and say so.” Miss Tessa turned around and prepared the thermometer. She scanned Dean’s forehead, stopping at the temple. “98.8. You don’t have a fever, which is good news for you because you don’t have to go home, but unless you tell me what’s going on I’m gonna have to send you back to class.”_ _

__“I couldn’t breathe for a second, that’s all.”_ _

__“Are you asthmatic?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“Had you been exercising?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“Well, Dean, people usually don’t have trouble breathing without reason. Do you know what might have caused it?”_ _

__“I don’t… I heard a rumor in the halls.”_ _

__“Mmm, and do you care to share what that was?”_ _

__“Just that there’s a new couple.”  
“And that made you start hyperventilating?”_ _

__“No.” Dean glanced down, “Kinda. I don’t know.”_ _

__“Well, then what did?”_ _

__“I just started thinking about things, and hearing the rumors made it worse, and I heard all these things people said like they were amplified in my head. I’m not hearing new voices, just remembering the old ones.”_ _

__“It sounds to me like you had what’s called an anxiety attack. One can often feel overwhelmed and unable to breathe. And they’re usually caused by a trigger word, or phrase, or event.” She jotted something down on her clipboard, “I;m going to let you stay in here for the rest of the period, okay? Just try to relax and if you want to talk about it more I can get Mrs. Vallens.”_ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__Miss Tessa left the room, closing the door behind her. Dean got up and flicked the light off before laying back down. He tried to let go of all the things he’d heard. His eyelids felt heavy as they slowly shut and snapped open. Before he knew it, he drifted out of consciousness and into a dreamless sleep._ _

__~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__Dean woke up to Miss Tessa’s hand on his shoulder, “The last bell’s gonna ring soon.”_ _

__“Oh right, thanks.”_ _

__“And someone wanted to check on you. He brought you some work that you missed, his name is Castiel. Do you know him?”_ _

__“Yeah, yeah I do. Um, where… where is he?” Dean sat up slowly._ _

__“He’s in the main office. Would you like me to go get him?”_ _

__“Yeah,” Dean rubbed his eyes and yawned._ _

__“Okay, be right back.” Miss Tessa returned moments later, simply ushering Castiel into the room. She made a thumbs up at Dean and closed the door.  
“Hey, Cas. Whatcha doing here?” Dean tried to keep some pep in his voice._ _

__“I saw you in the hallway and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Cas set down a small pile of papers next to Dean, “I picked up your work for you.”_ _

__“We don’t even have the same sixth period.”_ _

__“I know, but I knew you wouldn’t go back to get it until tomorrow. And I also knew that Mr. Azazel isn’t very forgiving when you miss his class.”_ _

__Dean looked down and smiled weakly, “Thank you.”_ _

__“Of course.”_ _

__If Castiel could put all they had aside and still be kind towards Dean then surely he could do the same.They were friends before, they can be friends after. Dean could find a way to accept that Cas wanted to be with Hannah and that they were, in fact, a couple. Even if it had only been four days. Hell, Gabe bounced from person to person more frequently than that. Maybe it just runs in the family. But if it made Cas happy, then Dean wouldn’t let that ruin what’s left of their friendship._ _

__“I gotta go pick up Sammy,” Dean stuffed the papers in his backpack and slung it on his shoulder. He gently walked past Castiel, pointedly not making eye contact._ _

__“Hey Dean?”_ _

__He turned around, “Yeah?”_ _

__“Call me if you need any help with his assignment, okay?”_ _

__“Yeah, will do.” Dean turned back and kept walking until he made it to the safety of his car. Sam hopped in the passenger side and tried to make light conversation with Dean. To which Dean tried to answer as pleasantly as possible, but they both knew he was faking it. Thankfully, John wasn’t there when they got home. So, they did their homework in silence except for the classic rock on the radio._ _

__Dean looked at his phone, tempted to call Cas despite being finished with the worksheets. But instead he took a deep breath and ignored his wishes._ _

__Which was unfortunate, because on the other side of that line, Cas waited patiently by his phone, wishing for a call that would never come._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi.  
> it's been over 20 days since i last posted and the last time i bragged about updating in two. oops...  
> i hope you guys can forgive me and enjoy this angst filled chapter that's kind of somber but really hits home with how my boys are feeling.  
> comments and kudos are appreciated!! :D  
> stay safe out there

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone!! so this fic is dedicated to @ superduckbatrebel on tumblr!! so give them some love and check out their blog!  
> i've never written this sort of thing before so i hope i did a good job and you all enjoyed it!! stayed tuned for the next chapter!! and as always kudos are appreciated and comments absolutely make my day :)  
> p.s. stay safe and healthy out there


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